Peter Pan
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I'm back! With great news! I know what happened to Cinderella. She defeated the pirates. There was stabbing, slicing, torture, bleeding! And then they lived happily ever after.
Captain Hook
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Happy thoughts! Happy thoughts! Ripping! Killing! Killing! Choking! Lawyers! Dentists! Pus! Blood! Children's blood! Puppy's blood! Disease! Scabs! Kittens dashed on spikes! Spiders, cockroaches, snakes, uh, venom and pox! Bubonic Plague! White death! Black death! ANY DEATH! A nice cup of tea! Old, alone...done for.
[dies] Narrator
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But I was never to see Peter Pan again. Now I tell his story to my children and they will tell it to their children, and so it will go on. For all children grow up... except one.
Wendy Darling
Dialogue
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Pirate: Beg for yer lives!
John: Sir! My brother and I are English gentlemen. English gentlemen do not beg!
Michael:
[gets on his knees] Please! Please don't kill me!
John:
[gets on his knees] Please don't kill me, either!
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Wendy: Once upon a time there was a boy named Peter Pan, who decided not to grow up.
Hook: Skip the prologue.
Wendy: So he flew away to Neverland where the pirates are.
Noodler: Was one of them pirates called Noodler?
Wendy: Yes.
Noodler: Capt'n, did you hear? I am in a story!
Hook:
[shoots Noodler] What fun he must have had
Wendy: Yes, but he was rather lonely.
Hook: Lonely? He needed a Wendy.
Pirate: I need a Wendy.
[Hooks shoots him]
Smee: Oh, very exciting! Two dead already!
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Hook: I was dreaming, Smee, of Pan.
Smee: Pan, Cap'n?
Hook: And in my dream, I was a magnanimous fellow full of forgiveness. I thanked Pan for cutting off my hand, and for giving me this fine hook for disemboweling and ripping throats, and other such homely uses as combing my hair.
Smee: So, Pan did you a favor then, Cap'n?
Hoot: A favor? [Smee gives Hook his hook] He threw my hand to a crocodile. The beast liked it so much, it's followed me ever since, licking its lips for the rest of me.
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John: [Grins at Peter]
Peter: Who are you?
John: I'm John.
Peter: John... Take hold of this. [Thrusts his dirty, bare foot into John's face.]
Tinker Bell: [Gestures to Peter's foot.] TA-DAAA! [Lies back on Peter's foot, kicking her legs.]
John: [Makes a disgusted face as he slowly grabs Peter's ankle.]
Peter: [Lies back and smiles.] Both hands.
John: [Stares wide-eyed at Peter's foot, still in his hand. He pulls Peter's foot closer and grabs Peter's ankle with his other hand.]
Peter: [Begins flying straight again. John dangles behind him, still holding Peter's ankle.] Pass it on!
John: Michael, take hold of my ankle!
Michael: (Grabs John's ankle.) Wendy, take hold of my ankle!
Wendy: (Grabs Michael's ankle.)
Peter: Whatever happens, don't... let... GO!!
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Wendy: Peter, what are your real... feelings?
Peter: Feelings?
Wendy: What do you feel? Happiness? Sadness? Jealousy?
Peter: Jealousy? Tink!
Wendy: Anger?
Peter: Anger. (
A twig snaps) Hook.
Wendy: Love?
Peter: Love?
Wendy: Love.
Peter: I have never heard of it.
Wendy: I think you have, Peter. I daresay you've felt it yourself, for something... or someone.
Peter: (
whispers in her ear) Never. Even the sound of it offends me.
Wendy: (
tries to touch his face) Peter - (
Peter backs away)
Peter: Why do you spoil everything? We have fun, don't we? I taught you to fight and to fly! What more could there be?
Wendy: There is so much more.
Peter: What? What else is there?
Wendy: I don't know. I think it becomes clearer when you grow up.
Peter: Well, I will not grow up. You Cannot make me. I will banish you like Tinker Bell.
Wendy: I WILL NOT BE BANISHED!
Peter: Then go home! Go home and grow up! And take your feelings with you! (
flies off)
Wendy: Peter! Peter, come back! Peter!
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Mary: George, not so loud.
Aunt Millicent: George, the neighbors will hear.
George: Let them hear! Let the whole world know!
[points at Nana] This is not a nurse! This is a dog!
[takes off the hat off Nana]
Mary:
[gasps]
George:
[to Wendy] Tomorrow, you will begin your instruction with Aunt Millicent. It's time for you to grow up!
Cast
The Darling Family
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The Lost Boys:
Slightly (adoptive son)
Curly (adoptive son)
Nibs (adoptive son)
Marmaduke & Binky (twin adoptive sons)
Tootles (adoptive son)