Holden Spence
Joe
Bob
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I never believed in God. No, I didn't even as a little kid. I remember this. I used to think even if he exists, he's done such a terrible job, it's a wonder people don't get together and file a class action suit against him.
Steffi
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I've been trying since we got divorced to find the right woman for him, somebody to match up with his personality. I'm beginning to wonder if the world population isn't too limited.
Other
Dialogue
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Steffi: You always pick the wrong women.
Joe: Hey, I picked you.
Steffi: Yeah, I know, we got divorced.
Joe: 'Cause you were impossible to live with.
Steffi: "I was impossible to live with," I love this. You couldn't figure out whether you wanted to be a psychoanalyst or a writer!
Joe: So I compromised, I became a writer and a patient.
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Steffi: Y'know over the years I often wondered what would have happened if we stayed together.
Joe: Well, that's something we're never gonna know. We've managed to produce a fabulous daughter, though. She got your looks, fortunately, and my... magic personality.
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Joe: Carol was a poet and a member of MENSA so...
Steffi: She was a heroin addict!
Joe: Yeah she was also a heroin addict, but I thought it was insulin, so how was I to know?
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Bob: Frieda, this pasta doesn't have any sauce
Frieda: It's Bavarian pasta, it doesn't need sauce. The Italians need sauce. The Italians were weak!
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Charles Ferry: If you were my girl, I'd make love to you in every room of the house, on every table top, on every rug...
Schuyler Dandridge: We also have some lovely Early American chandeliers...
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Laura: [singing] I'm through with love, I'll never fall again.
Steffi: What are you talking about? You're only 14!
Bob: [singing] I'm through with love, I'll never fall again.
Steffi: What are you talking about? You're not in love with Holden!