Lola
Nick Marshall
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[Examining the contents of the box that Darcy gave to find inspiration] "Nobody panic, this is supposed to be fun." Alright, I can do this, I'm a professional.
[Reaches into the box and pulls out..] Lipstick, alright. Lipstick on a guy's collar? No, women will hate that. Lipstick on a guy's collar that
won't rub off. No, that's much worse. Okay, I need to start thinking like a broad.
[Closes his eyes] Alright, I'm a broad. I see lipstick...
[Sniffs the lipstick] on a dark-haired Tahitian beauty standing under a waterfall, wearing nothing but a thong, and water cascading down her back-
[His eyes shoot open] I'm a lesbian!
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[After going through a painful attempt to wax his leg hair] Women are insane. Who would do that more than once? ...Why would they do the other leg?
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You know that whole deal about "penis envy"? Not true. No. Half of women don't even
like it. You know who has penis envy? We do. That's why we cheat and we lie, because we're all obsessed with our own equipment!
Darcy McGuire
Alex Marshall
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I think this is the one! '[thinking] I can't believe this it what I'll be wearing the last night I'm a virgin! ...Or should I say, what I'll be taking off?'