Harold et Kumar chassent le burger (2004)

Partager la citation sur facebook [to Harold, about Cindy] So she's kinda fucking cute. Let her touch your penis.

Partager la citation sur facebook [last line before the credits] Hey, Roldy, you do realize what's legal in Amsterdam, don't you?

Partager la citation sur facebook [to Maria in elevator, after seeing luggage at her feet] Sure got a lotta baggage.

Partager la citation sur facebook [about to ride cheetah] This is either a really smart move or by far the stupidest thing that we have ever tried.

Partager la citation sur facebook Did Doogie Howser just steal my fucking car?

Partager la citation sur facebook Anchor: Police in Cherry Hill, New Jersey, have just arrested a gang of hooligans who are suspected of terrorizing numerous strip malls and convenience stores. Officer Thurmond Brucks found their abandoned car, which contained a large bag of marijuana. And in other news, the Muckleburg police department are still looking for a fugitive who escaped from the police station last night with a companion believed to be his accomplice. Police have released sketches of the two fugitives which they believe to be extremely accurate.

Partager la citation sur facebook Palumbo: [upon being arrested for brutality and racism] I'm not a [bleep] racist, all right? You mother [bleep]. Those black mother [bleep] won't get away with this, a'right?! So, [bleep] falls to all y'all! Okay?! So you can suck my [bleep]!

Partager la citation sur facebook Harold: The universe tends to unfold as it should.
Kumar: What is that? Some fortune cookie?

Partager la citation sur facebook [cops left moments earlier to check out a shooting in Millbrook Park]
Kumar: [from inside a heating duct at the police station, where Harold is in jail] Rold? Is that you?
Harold: Kumar?
Kumar: Hey, are the cops still here?
Harold: What the hell are you doing?
Kumar: I just called and made up some story about a shooting in Millbrook Park.
Harold: Jesus Christ, what'd you do that for?
Kumar: I'm fucking starving. I figured I'd bust you out and we'd go get some burgers.

Partager la citation sur facebook Kumar: [sniffs] Hey, what's that smell?
Harold: What smell? Kumar.
Kumar: [starts sniffing like a crazed bloodhound, and then sees a huge bag of marijuana, his eyes widen]
Harold: Hey Kumar! Kumar! Where are you--?
[Kumar rushes to the bag of marijuana]
Harold: Kumar! Still in jail, asshole! Come here!

Partager la citation sur facebook Martone: [notices the jail door keys in the jail door, and Tarik Jackson sitting inside the cell reading a book] Hey! Jackson's trying to escape!
Tarik: What are you talking about? I'm just sitting here.
Reilly: He's trying to break free! Get him!
Tarik: Aw, shit.
[he gets up as the cops hold him to the wall; Tarik still holds his book in hand]
Martone: Don't move. Stop resisting! We need back up now! He's got a gun!
Tarik: That's not a gun, that's a book.
Reilly: Secure the book!
Palumbo: Book is secure. You bring this filth in here? What is this shit?!

Partager la citation sur facebook Harold: I want that.
Kumar: What? A Hot Dog Heaven super chili cheese dog?
Harold: No. I want that feeling. The feeling that comes over a man when he gets exactly what he desires. I need that feeling.
Kumar: Are you saying what I think you're saying?
Harold: We gotta go to White Castle.
Kumar: Yes! Yes! I knew you had it in you dude!

Partager la citation sur facebook Harold: Neil, you wouldn't happen to know how to get on the highway from here, would you?
Harris: Dude, I don't even know where the fuck I am right now. I was at this party earlier tonight and some guy hooked me up with this incredible "X"--next thing I know I'm being thrown out of a moving car. I've been trippin' balls ever since.
Kumar: That's crazy, dude. We've been having a pretty crazy, night, too. We've just been driving around looking for White Castle but we keep getting sidetracked.
Harris: Yeah, dude, you fascinate me. Forget White Castle, let's go get some pussy.
Harold: Huh?
Harris: It's a fucking sausage fest in here, bros. Let's get some poon-tang. Then we'll go to White Castle.
Kumar: No, Neil, you don't understand. We've been craving these burgers all night.
Harris: Yeah, I've been craving burgers, too--fur burgers. Come on, dudes, let's pick up some trim at a strip club. The Doogie line always works on strippers. [sings] Lap-dance.
Kumar: [pause] There's a gas station. I'm gonna see if I can get some directions.
Harris: You don't need dir--gah. Hurry up, dudes, hurry up! I'm losing wood.
[they park, pause]
Harris: Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry.
Kumar: Look, chill.
Harold: We'll be right back, Neil.
[they exit the car]
Harold: Dude, what's the deal with Neil Patrick Harris? Why is he so horny?

Partager la citation sur facebook Harold: Did Doogie Howser just steal my fucking car?
Kumar: Yes. I think he did.
Harold: [starts screaming] You! You had to pick up a hitchhiker! Why?!
Kumar: Dude, I thought Neil Patrick Harris was a stand up guy. How was I supposed to know he'd fuck us over?

Partager la citation sur facebook Harold: Dude, where's my car?
Kumar: Where's his car, dude?

Partager la citation sur facebook Kumar: Do you know what the hell we had to go through after you took the car?
Harris: Yeah, it was a dick move on my part. That's why I'm paying for your meal. [looks down to count money, lowers voice] Prick.

Partager la citation sur facebook [Kumar is licking Harold to wake him up]
Harold: What the hell are you doing?! God!
Kumar: Well, you were out cold, I figured if I started doing some gay shit you'd wake up.
Harold: Didn't we come here on a cheetah? Where's the cheetah?
Kumar: It ran away. Listen, I got some bad news and some worse news.
Harold: Okay, give me the worse news first.
Kumar: I was looking at some of the roadsigns, and it looks like the cheetah took us in a completely different direction.
Harold: What's the bad news?
Kumar: Your laptop's completely destroyed.
Harold: [shouts] What? How is that not the worse news!?
Kumar: [calmly] Well, the laptop situation really only affects you, where as the White Castle situation affects us both equally.

Partager la citation sur facebook Dr. Patel: I will not tolerate this business from you any longer. You have one more interview tomorrow morning, and if I hear from Dr. Wein that you are anything short of spectacular, I'll completely cut you off!
Kumar: Dad, come on.
Dr. Patel: Daddy is not coming on anything! You will be there, and you will behave. I have put too much time and energy into you to let you go and fuck it all up!

Partager la citation sur facebook Kumar: I can't believe you were gonna ditch for the Joy Luck Club, dude. You know what their parties are like.
Harold: C'mon, what did you want me to say? I was under pressure.
Kumar: Just say no. That's all it takes.
Kumar: Here.
[hands Harold the joint]
Kumar: Take a hit of that.

Partager la citation sur facebook Rosenberg: I think Kumar's a "fay-gele".
Goldstein: Oh, they're totally gay for each other.
Rosenberg: Hey, you wanna suck on this?
[offers Goldstein a marijuana smoking device]
Goldstein: Uh-huh. Mmm.

Partager la citation sur facebook Sports Punk #1: Dude, that was so not extreme.
Cole: I know, Extreme Sports Punk Number One... I know.

Partager la citation sur facebook Bradley: [Kumar trying to buy pot] Here, that's sixt--80 bucks.
Kumar: 80 bucks?
Bradley: Yeah, 80 bucks.
Kumar: Yo, this is worth 40 tops bro!
Bradley: Bro? I'm not your bro, bro. Okay, and that's 80 bucks. You don't feel like getting high tonight? If you don't feel like getting high, that's cool with me because there's lots of people around here. See this guy? Hey, what's up, George? I smoke buds with George all the time.
Kumar: What kind of a hippie are you?
Bradley: What kind of hippie am I? Man, I'm a business hippie, I understand the concept of supply and demand.

Partager la citation sur facebook Harold: Dude, we're so high right now!
Kumar: We're not low.

Partager la citation sur facebook Kumar: Now we're in Newark, of all places. You know we're gonna get shot.
Harold: Maybe it's not as bad as they say. Maybe it's just a bunch of hype.
Kumar: Check it out. Those guys look like a lame version of us.
[two guys get jumped and beaten with a 2x4 and other weapons]
Harold, Kumar: Holy shit!
[assailants stop beating up the two guys, look up and pause, then continue with the assaults while the two men lay on the ground moaning]
Harold: Let's get the fuck outta here. Go! Go! Drive! Drive!
Kumar: Yeah, that was your fault.
Harold: Fuck you.
Kumar: Fuck you.

Partager la citation sur facebook Burger Shack Employee: Ding-dong! May I interject for a second? As a Burger Shack employee for the past three years, if there's one thing I've learned, it's that if you're craving White Castle, the burgers here just don't cut it. In fact, just thinking about those tender little White Castle burgers with those little, itty-bitty grilled onions that just explode in your mouth like flavor crystals every time you bite into one... Just makes me wanna burn this motherfucker down.
[he turns to his partner]
Employee: Come on, Pookie! Let's burn this motherfucker down! [starts destroying stuff] Come on, Pookie! Let's burn it, Pookie! Let's burn this motherfucker down! Let's burn it down! Let's burn it! [calms down] So you guys maybe should just suck it up and go to White Castle.

Partager la citation sur facebook Employee: You guys might have wanted to stay away from our special sauce tonight. Me and Pookie, we added a secret ingredient. I'll give you a hint. It's semen.
[bursts out laughing]
Harold: [smirks] Semen.
Employee: Animal semen.
[Harold and Kumar scream and drive off as fast as possible]

Partager la citation sur facebook Harold: Are those my scissors?! Dude, I trim my noise hair with those!
Kumar: Dude, I have been cutting my ass hair with them for the past six months.

Partager la citation sur facebook Harold: [riding a cheetah] Dude, am I really high, or is this actually working?
Kumar: Both.

Partager la citation sur facebook Goldstein: Sorry, kids. We ain't goin' nowhere. We're watching "The Gift". Supposedly Katie Holmes shows her titties in this movie.
Harold: Is that all you Jews ever think about? Tits?
Rosenberg: Katie Holmes is a nice, respectable, wholesome girl, and I'm gonna see her boobs.
Goldstein: The things I would eat out of her ass--you have no idea!
Rosenberg: Argh! That is a completely vulgar statement.
Goldstein: So is, "I wanna bang Britney Spears on the bathroom floor," but it's true.
Rosenberg: Touché.

Partager la citation sur facebook Dr. Willoughby: Do you actually believe that after the way you've just behaved that I would even consider recommending you for admission?
Kumar: No. I'm gonna be honest with you. The only reason I'm applying is so my dad will keep paying for my apartment. I really don't have a desire to go to med school.
Dr. Willoughby: But you have perfect MCAT scores.
Kumar: Yeah, just cause you're hung like a moose doesn't mean you gotta do porn.

Partager la citation sur facebook Harold: I am so hungry. I'm gonna eat, like, 20 of those burgers, man.
Kumar: Dude, fuckin' I will see your 20 burgers and raise you 5 orders of fries.

Partager la citation sur facebook Harold: I want 30 sliders, 5 french fries, and 4 large Cherry Cokes.
Kumar: I want the same, except make mine Diet Cokes, Chuck.

Partager la citation sur facebook Harold: Back off, cock boy. What I said him goes double for you.
J.D.: Cock boy? You just call me cock boy?
Harold: Yeah, you know I did. You're just stalling 'cause you're not quick enough to think of a comeback.
J.D.: You think I'm not quick enough. Guy thinks I'm not quick enough. Well I got news for you. I am quick enough... Cock boy! [raises an index finger in a vain attempt to flip Harold off]

Partager la citation sur facebook Kumar: I forgot my cell phone.
Harold: You wanna run back and get it?
[both turn and look at their front door 20 feet from them]
Kumar: No, we've gone too far.

Partager la citation sur facebook Freakshow: What the hell are you doing with my wife?
Harold: Y-you said outside that we could have sex with her!
Kumar: Shit! Shit!
Freakshow: I most certainly did not!
Harold: Yes you did!
Freakshow: Did not!
Kumar: Yes you did!
Freakshow: Oh, no, I didn't.
Kumar: You did, you did.
Freakshow: You sure?
Harold: You said it.
Freakshow: [laughs] My mistake. Well, since we're all here, how 'bout a four-some?

Partager la citation sur facebook Harold: Do you know the show Doogie Howser, M.D.?
Palumbo: Great show. God I love that show. Doogie.
Harold: Neil Patrick Harris stole my car tonight.
Palumbo: Hey! NPH wouldn't do that!

Partager la citation sur facebook Kumar: How were Katie Holmes' tits?
Goldstein: You know the Holocaust?
Kumar: Yeah?
Goldstein: Picture the opposite of that.
Kumar: Nice!

Partager la citation sur facebook Kumar: [in surgery] Hang on a second, nurse. What we should probably use is marijuana. That'll sufficiently sedate the patient for surgery.
Nurse: Marijuana? But why?
Kumar: We don't have time for questions. We need marijuana now, as much of it as possible! Like a big bag of it.
Nurse: But, doctor, we don't have marijuana in this hospital.

Partager la citation sur facebook Palumbo: What kind of name is that anyhow? Kumar? What is that 5 o's or 2 u's?
Kumar: No, it's actually one "u".
Palumbo: Yeah, bullshit.

Partager la citation sur facebook Kumar: [whispers] Dude, look at that boil on his neck, it's pulsating!
Harold: [whispers] Shut up, dude. He probably heard what you just said.
Kumar: No, he can't. Look at it now! Pus is coming out!
Harold: [looks at Freakshow's neck] Ugh!
Kumar: Isn't that the sickest thing you've ever seen?
Harold: Just shut up! He's right next to me. He can hear me talking to you He probably heard this whole conversation!
Kumar: No, he didn't. He can't hear anything with all that crust in his ear.
[long awkward pause]
Freakshow: [low voice] I heard everything you said.
[Later, at Freakshow's house]
Freakshow: It's gonna take me awhile to fix your car...so if you want, you can go inside, get something to drink, wash up, fuck my wife, watch TV, anything you want. Mi casa es su casa. Just don't do anything the Good Lord wouldn't do.

Partager la citation sur facebook Kumar: So where you going to go now, Neil?
Harris: [puts on sunglasses] Wherever God takes me.
[he sets off]

Partager la citation sur facebook We came up with White Castle because it has a history of being a place where intoxicated people go at the end of the night. But then we did see it as a sort of metaphor. It’s about the burgers, but it’s more than just the burgers.