Harold Lee
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[Dressed in KKK clothes after coming to a KKK barbeque and was asked to say 1 racist thing you did in the week] I did knee an Indian guy in the balls.
Kumar Patel
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[reciting the poem 'The Square Root of 3'] I fear that I will always be / A lonely number like root three / A three is all that's good and right, / Why must my three keep out of sight / Beneath a vicious square root sign, / I wish instead I were a nine / For nine could thwart this evil trick, / with just some quick arithmetic / I know I'll never see the sum, as 1.7321 / Such is my reality, a sad irrationality / When hark! What is this I see, / Another square root of a three / Has quietly come waltzing by, / Together now we multiply / To form a number we prefer, / Rejoicing as an integer / We break free from our mortal bonds / And with a wave of magic wands / Our square root signs become unglued / And love for me has been renewed.
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You guys wanna know something real fucked up and awesome that I did? I took a Korean guy's toothbrush and I rubbed it all over my dick!
Ron Fox
Dr. John Beecher
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Enough, Fox! I've had enough of your crap! You think that just because I'm smart. you can treat me like some dork in gym class? It's obvious these kids are innocent. But you're too dumb to realize that. You know, it's people like you who make the world think that Americans are stupid!
WELL, WE'RE NOT STUPID!!! AND WE'RE NOT GONNA TAKE THIS SHIT ANYMORE!!!Grand Wizard
Dialogue
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Old Lady:(sees Kumar is smoking a homemade bong)
T-T-T-TERRORIST!
[
The passengers begin to scream and panic]
Harold: No, ma'am. He's not a terrorist, he's just an idiot.
Kumar: This is just a bong.
Male Passenger: He said he's got a bomb!
Male Passenger 1: He's gonna blow up the plane!
Kumar: It's not a bomb, it's just a bong.
[
An undercover flight marshal draws a pistol and tackles Kumar; the bong flies forward, hits the floor and shatters, releasing smoke]
Businessman: Poison gas!
[
People start to panic and flee towards the cockpit]
Marshal: [
To Kumar] You picked the
wrong plane, you terrorist fuck!
Harold: Hey! Hey what are you doing!
[
A second flight marshal tackles Harold]
Marshal: There are three, air marshals on board, three!
Kumar: We are not terrorists sir! That's a bong, not a bomb!
Marshal: Shut up!
Marshal 2: [
Draws Pistol] I got this one!
Harold: Ow! I'm in great amount of pain, sir!
[
As the passengers slowly calm down, the first Marshal looks at the crowd]
Marshal: Everybody relax. Just calm down everything's under control! Tell them to turn the plane around; these two assholes are going back to the US!
About Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay