Journal d'un dégonflé : Rodrick fait sa loi (2011)

Partager la citation sur facebook [to Greg] This "Mom Bucks" thing is a gold mine. Better not ruin it for me.

Partager la citation sur facebook Oh, honey, hi! Remember when we were young like this? And we used to dance and go to parties and stuff like that?

Partager la citation sur facebook I have to go talk to your father. [sighs] I will deal with you boys later.

Partager la citation sur facebook Holly Hills: Excuse me.
Greg: What?
Holly Hills: I said, "Excuse me". You're blocking the exit.
Greg: Oh, uh, [laughing] sorry.
Holly Hills: That's okay.

Partager la citation sur facebook Rodrick: Hey, Greg. Can you break a leg or something so we can leave?
[Greg laughs and sighs. Rodrick realizes Greg is staring at Holly Hills]
Rodrick: Oh. [laughs] That'll never happen. Not a chance. There's no way that girl will EVER talk to you.

Partager la citation sur facebook Greg: [notices that it is almost 10:00] I'm going in. [to Rowley] Cover me!
[Greg scooches toward Holly. Just then, the lights dim, and "Always" by Atlantic Starr begins playing]
Bill: [over P.A.] All rockers and hardcore skaters off the rink, unless you're lookin' for love. It's time for Couples Skate!
Greg: I'm making my move. [prepares to tap Holly on the shoulder]
Bill: [over P.A.] STOP!!!! [The music stops. Greg turns around] Enough of that total lameness! Who's ready to ROCK?! Yeah! [plays the intro to "Cut Throat" by Kittie]
Rodrick: [makes the "Double Horns" sign with both hands] Whoo!
[Greg stares at Rodrick in disbelief. Rodrick smiles evilly]
Holly: Come on, let's get outta here. Come on. [she and her friends exit the rink]
[A crowd of violent teenagers enter the rink. They brutally bump into others knocking them over]
Rowley: [panicking] What're we gonna do?!
Greg: Stay calm. All we have to do is just stay here.
[Two teenagers grab Rowley and start dragging him along. Rowley screams]
Greg: Rowley! Hang on!
Rowley: [screaming] WHOOOOOOOA!!!
[Greg tries to rescue Rowley, but another teenager knocks him flat on his face. As Greg picks himself up, the sound of a record scratching is heard and the music comes to an abrupt stop]
Susan: [over P.A.] GREG HEFFLEY!!! This is your mother. Everything is going to be okay. Stay where you are, and your father is going to come rescue you. I repeat, everything is going to be okay. Okay, here he comes. Here comes Frank. I see him. He's on his way. Okay.
[Dad struts out into the middle of the rink and picks Greg up, carrying him off]
Greg: Dad!
Frank: I know, I know.
[Holly's friends giggle, but Holly isn't amused]
Susan: [over P.A.] Okay. Alright. Everyone, go back to skating!
[As Dad sets Greg back on his feet, everyone resumes skating]
Frank: You all right?
Greg: Yeah.
[Rodrick approaches]
Rodrick: Hey, Romeo. How'd it go with the new girl?
Greg: [grunts and lunges at Rodrick, screaming] WHOOOA!!!!
[Greg lands onto Taylor's birthday cake. Rodrick laughs. Greg picks himself up off the smashed cake, his face covered in frosting]
Taylor: [lividly; to Greg] You ruined my birthday, you...JERK!!!!

Partager la citation sur facebook Greg: It's unbelievable. Even at school, Rodrick is ruining my life.
Rowley: Shh. [whispers, pointing to Rodrick who is sleeping on the couch] He might hear you.
Greg: Nah! Watch.
[Greg drums loudly on Manny's toy drum in Rodrick's face. He remains asleep]
Rowley: Holy cow!
Greg: He once slept through an entire day.

Partager la citation sur facebook Rowley: Hey Greg, maybe we should-
Rodrick: CAN IT, CHUNKY CHEESE!!!

Partager la citation sur facebook Rodrick: This is huge, I've gotta call the band. W-We've gotta practice. THIS COULD BE OUR BIG BREAK!!!
Susan: Ah, ah, ah, wait a second. Aren't you forgetting something?
Rodrick: What? I showered yesterday. Smell.
Susan: Okay, okay, okay, okay. We agreed that you'd give a drum lesson to Greg.
Greg: You were serious?
Susan: Who knows? Maybe you guys will really like it and we can form a family band. [gasps]
[The whole scene shifts over to the entire Heffley family, wearing matching outfits and performing with musical instruments]
Recorded music: [song: "Get Happy"] Hello, world. Here's a song that we're singin'. Come on, get happy! A whole lot of loving is what we'll be bringin'. We'll make you happy!

Partager la citation sur facebook [Greg opens his Xbox 360 game system to put a video game in, and finds a huge chocolate chip cookie stuffed in the disc tray]
Greg: WHAT?!!
Rowley: Hey! A cookie.
Greg: Manny, what have you done?
Manny: I'm onwy thwee.
Susan: [walks in] What's going on? What'd you do to him?
Greg: Nothing, he ruined my video game.
Susan: [gasps] He didn't anything on purpose, did you honey?
Manny: No, I didn't.
Susan: No, he didn't. He's only three.
Manny: I'm onwy thwee.
[Manny pokes his tongue out at Greg as Susan takes him away]

Partager la citation sur facebook [Rodrick pulls up in front of Greg and Rowley in his van]
Rodrick: Get in.
Greg: Why? What are you doing here?
Rodrick: Mom said she'd pay "Mom Bucks" if I drove you home from school. [he and his friend laugh and high-five]
Greg: We'd rather walk.
Rodrick: Get in. Now! [gets out and opens the back door for Greg and Rowley. Greg immediately notices that the back seats are gone]
Greg: What happened to the seats?
Rodrick:: Oh, I needed the room for my new equipment.
[Greg and Rowley hop into the van]
Greg: How'd you have the money for that?
Rodrick: Oh, you know..."Mom Bucks". [shuts the door]
Greg: There's no way. You only earned like... five.
[As Greg and Rowley sit down on the floor, Rodrick starts the van and floors it]
Greg and Rowley: [screaming] WHHHHHOOOOOOA!!! WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!!!!!!!!!!

Partager la citation sur facebook Greg: It looks fake. It has to look real.
Rowley: But how do I fake it if I'm actually falling backwards?
Greg: Maybe you need a gimmick so people notice you. Oh. [gives Rowley a pair of underwear] Wear this on your head. [Rowley puts his underwear on his head] Now do it again.
Rowley: Why can't you be the one that falls backwards in the chair?
Greg: Because. I'm not the one wearing the underwear on my head.

Partager la citation sur facebook All: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GRANDPA!!
Grandpa: Next year, I want a chocolate cake!
Greg: That is if you're alive next year.
[Grandpa looks hurt]
Susan: [angrily] Greg!
Greg: Honesty, Mom!

Partager la citation sur facebook Manny: Poopy.
[Greg looks down and sees he has chocolate on his pants]
Susan: Oh, Greg! It looks like he has a candy bar on there.
Greg: MANNY!

Partager la citation sur facebook Taylor: POOP! HE'S POOPED HIS PANTS!
Greg: No, it isn't what it looks like! It isn't! It's chocolate! Chocolate, see? [eats a bit of it, then everyone in the church gets grossed out. Greg is humiliated. Rodrick laughs] Hyah! [lunges at Rodrick. Greg and Rodrick have a scuffle on the floor]

Partager la citation sur facebook Greg: Rodrick, help! The door's closed!
Rodrick: Yeah and it's staying closed. I don't need a middle schooler ruining my party.
Greg: What? I thought it was our party.
Rodrick: It's my party. Now keep QUIET or I'll lock you in the dryer!
Greg: RODRICK!!!
Rodrick: [mockingly] Greg!!

Partager la citation sur facebook Rodrick: Okay. Everything's cool here, right, Greg?
Greg: Yeah, Mom, and I have your number if I need you.
Susan: [on the phone] Okay, sweeties. We'll see you tomorrow. Good night.

Partager la citation sur facebook Rodrick: Listen up. If you do anything that embarrasses me, ANYTHING at all, I will-
Greg: You will what?
Rodrick: Just stay out of my way... nerds.

Partager la citation sur facebook Girl: I have to go find my friend.
Rodrick: Yeah, yeah. I know. [Rodrick tells Greg and Rowley to touch their phone] REMINDER! You can't call if you're dead.

Partager la citation sur facebook Frank: [enraged] HEY!!! WHAT THE...?! [storms into room] You guys got something you want to tell me?
Rodrick: No.
Frank: [shows figurine] What... was General Grant... doing on the THERMOSTAT?!
Rodrick: I had no idea.
Frank: No idea. [looks at Greg] No idea, Huh? [Gregs shakes his head, anxiously] Look, DON'T... these... these are OFF LIMITS! NO TOUCH!! THEY ARE NOT TOYS, THEY'RE FIGURINES! [angrily walks off] I can't...
Rodrick: [whispering] We've got to keep them away from the bathroom.
Greg: For the next 10 years?
Rodrick: Listen to me. No matter what they ask you, no matter how hard they push, deny, deny, deny; even if they figure it out, never ever admit to anything. Deny, deny, deny. Got it?
Greg: Got it. Deny, deny, deny.

Partager la citation sur facebook Manny: Mommy! Look!
Susan: Mommy is looking. Mommy's looked a thousand times. Mommy just needs to go to the potty for one minute, okay?
Greg: No! NO!

Partager la citation sur facebook Susan: Greg, two words. Bathroom. Door.
[Greg anxiously hesitates to reply. Susan gives him a "Well?" look]
Greg: [bursting out] IT WAS RODRICK! HE MADE ME! IT WAS HIS IDEA! He had the party! Someone wrote on the door, so we had to change it!
Susan: I knew it! I knew it.

Partager la citation sur facebook Teacher: What's going on?
Patty: Greg Heffley [shows note] is passing me notes.
Greg: No, I wasn't!

Partager la citation sur facebook [Frank turns on the camera and the TV screen shows a photo of him pouring soda in a cup fountain and is surprised]
Susan: Oh my god.
Frank: Rodrick? Can you explain what you're doing in this photo?
Rodrick: That's not me.
Frank: That's not you?
Rodrick: Nope.
Frank: Okay. How 'bout these?
[Frank then scrolls through his camera showing more photos of Rodrick's house party; Susan is shocked and horrified; Frank then sets his camera down as it stop on the photo of Greg and Rowley]
Frank: [angrily; to Rodrick] I can't believe that you had a PARTY!
Susan: Greg, you told me it was a couple of kids. A band rehearsal!
Frank: Wait, Susan. You knew about this?
Susan: Yes. Yes, I knew.
Rodrick: [to Greg] You told Mom?!
Frank: I knew they had a party!
Greg: It slipped out, but I took it back!
Susan: My instincts told me you weren't being honest! I should've trusted my instincts!
Frank: Wait! You knew about this, but you didn't tell me about it?
Greg: I still protected you! I threw Mom off your scent!
Rodrick: Great job. She has no idea!
Frank: We are supposed to be a team against them!
Susan: They were getting along so well I let it blind me to the truth!
Rodrick: Why were you taking pictures?!
Greg: It was so crazy that morning, I forgot we took the pictures.
Susan: So I let it slide. And I am so sorry. Oh, God. It feels so good to get that out. [points to the bathroom door] I haven't been able to look at that bathroom door for two weeks!
Frank: I knew that door had a lock on it! And everybody was trying to make me feel like I was losing my mind!

Partager la citation sur facebook [Frank and Susan wait in front of the stairs sternly as Greg and Rodrick come down]
Susan: Your father I have talked, and we have decided on your punishment.
Frank: Greg, you are grounded for two weeks. Also, no video games for two weeks.
Susan: Rodrick, you may only drive to and from school for the next month. As the ringleader, you're also grounded for a month.
Rodrick: Mom, I'm sorry, and I won't do it again.
Susan: I know you won't. And to make sure, we're also not allowing you to perform in the talent show.
Rodrick: [shocked] What? No. No, you can't do that! Ground me for a year, I don't care, but you have to let me play in that show. This could be my big break.
Susan: I'm sorry.
Rodrick: [upset] Dad, come on, this isn't fair. I just got Bill in the band!
Frank: Actually, Rodrick, that doesn't help your case. Bill's kind of a jerk.
[Rodrick gives a silent "What?"]
Susan: Our decision is final.
[Greg looks silently at Rodrick; upset with his punishment, who goes upstairs, and Greg follows suit]
Rodrick: [silent] You are so dead.

Partager la citation sur facebook [At Leisure Village Retirement Community, Frank madly pulls over in front of the entrance, leaving Greg and Rodrick there, where their grandfather comes to see them, mostly Greg.]
Greg: [narrating] Things have never been worse. Our parents are super mad at us, so we have to spend the weekend at my Grandpa's boring retirement community, Holly Hills thinks I'm Fregley, and my relationship with Rodrick is at an all-time low. So, he's made it his mission to ruin my life. [As Greg, Rodrick and their grandfather walk towards his retirement hotel room, Rodrick kicks Greg from behind him, still sore about the punishment. Greg angrily turns towards Rodrick.] Quit it!
Rodrick: [annoyed] Why don't you tell Mom? You're good at that.
Greg: [narrating] Grandpa doesn't like TV. Instead, he prefers to watch the lobby on the security channel.
Rodrick: I should be rehearsing right now.
Greg: Please, Grandpa. Please, can we watch a real TV show now?
Grandpa: TV is just a bunch of fakers. This is real life.

Partager la citation sur facebook Rowley: [Chasing his assistant, Scotty Douglas, through the hall] Scotty! Come on! [Scotty locks himself into the bathroom] Scotty, come on! You don't wanna let the magic fans down, do you?
Scotty: [from inside] Go away!
Susan: Rowley, what's wrong?
Rowley: My assistant, Scotty got stage fright. Now he doesn't want to do the show.
Susan: Maybe Greg would help out. He can be your assistant. What? No way.
Susan: What? Rowley is your best friend. This is important to him. You need to do this.
Rowley: It's okay, Mrs. Heffley. Greg is just afraid that Holly Hills will think less of him.
Greg: [defensive] Rowley. [turns to Susan] Mom, can we talk in private?
Susan': Sure.
Rowley: [desperate] Scotty, please.

Partager la citation sur facebook Patty: [to Greg] Your performance was pathetic, Greg Heffley! Only a moron would find humor in bird poop! [bird poops on Patty's hair] You stupid bird! [storms off furiously]

Partager la citation sur facebook Rodrick: Now get out, doofus.
Greg: Okay. Later...butt-brain!

Partager la citation sur facebook [Last lines]
All: [singing] Exploded Diper! All over the place! Exploded Diper!
Greg: Okay, there! It's uploaded.
All: [singing] In your face! Exploded Diper!
Rowley: Holy cow!
Greg: This is huge! We're an internet sensation!
Rodrick: [furiously, off-screen] GREG, YOU ARE SO DEAD!!